So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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