I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
