Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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