dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
