she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
