you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
