The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize