you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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