Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
