i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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