Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's always time for handjobs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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