I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
