you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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