this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
