I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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