You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
