How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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