i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So much rum. So many feels.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize