dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
