I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
