the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
