How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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