so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
