found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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