a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
