people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize