My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
