Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
