that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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