I should be sponsored by Trojan
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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