Can i not drive my cunt home
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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