I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
that's an acceptable place to lick
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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