I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
