I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
