All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Randomize
