I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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