are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
