Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
