so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
