Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
