Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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