i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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