i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
