When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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