Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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