all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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