Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
