Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
