god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
