oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
