she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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