If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
