the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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