Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
