i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
