Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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