Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
