Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
