If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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