Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
