I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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