Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
