just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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