Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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