Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I take back everything I said about communal showers
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
