I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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