Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ttyl tear gas
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
