I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
