hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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