Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
