hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We had sex on a dog bed..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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