Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize