I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
