You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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