tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the liver wants what the liver wants
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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