i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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