they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize