I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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