I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
