had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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