guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize