Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
