My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
