Sry I called you an 8
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
