He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize