im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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