I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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